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Title: Living as Lenore
Author: Luna (aka Luna_del_Cielo on lj)
Fandom: Supernatural/Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Cast of Characters: Tara/Lenore McLeod, Fergus McLeod/Crowley, Loki/Gabriel, Anya, Castiel, Kali, Eli, Dean, Sam, Scoobies
Rating: T
Summary: Willow tried to bring Tara back…and she did. Unfortunately, she was brought back to life in 1672. Now 'Lenore' has to deal with witches, demons, pagan gods, and even angels, as she struggles to find the red-haired woman she sees in her dreams.
Pairings: Anya/Gabriel, Tara/Willow, and several others will pop up at the whim of the author ;)
Spoilers: BTVS S6E19 ‘Seeing Red’, SPN S2E3 ‘Bloodlust’. Spoilers for Crowley's past in S6 “Weekend at Bobby’s” and allusions to Loki's past in S5
Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or Buffy the Vampire Slayer. If I did then fewer people would have died in each of those shows :)

Read specific chapters here: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 Chapter 9 |Chapter 10 |Chapter 11
Or all of the entire story here: Living as Lenore


The Spark of the Sun

Reine, Norway
May 7, 1714

Lenore was finally starting to understand just what it meant to be immortal. Vampires were, unless beheaded, ageless creatures that could survive until the end of time. While she had, in the beginning, theoretically understood what that meant, now she was gaining the realization of what immortal truly meant: Time lost its meaning for she was past that now; there was nothing to tether her to the mortal world.

Almost eleven years had passed since Loki had taken her in as his ‘pet project’ and in that time she had settled into a routine of sorts. It had taken a lot for Lenore to deal with all the major changes in her life but she had dealt, mostly thanks to Loki’s help. However, the entire time the most she had ever felt was content with her life. The true passion, true lust for life that she had felt when she had been with her children or, as Tara, been with Willow, was no longer available to her.

Until today.

Because today Lenore finally felt that spark again…

Reine, Norway
November 11, 1705

Every few days she would go hunting in the never-ending forests and lowlands that covered the former Viking territory – sometimes she hunted big game like a moose or even a polar bear and occasionally she went for small ‘snacks’ like an arctic fox. Of course, by Loki’s request, she never harmed wolves. In fact, Lenore had befriended the various packs in her hunting areas in a way, forming a unique partnership. She would hunt and drain an animal of their blood and the wolves would harvest the remaining carcass. In return the wolves would announce the presence of any humans in the territory by emitting a howl that could travel up to five or six miles to reach a human’s ears and thus a bit farther even to reach her own. Thus Lenore was properly warned if any tempting humans stumbled to close to her territory.

But other than those nights that she went out hunting – always with Loki – Lenore sought the sanctuary of her room and never left. Her time was spent daydreaming, sketching, reading, and writing. Whenever she read all the books in her personal bookcase the next day after she awoke there would always be a new set – and always on topics that interested her like magic, art, and history. Loki never pushed for her to socialize with him or to talk about what had happened to her, and for this she was thankful. Because in all honesty Lenore couldn’t face the ‘real world’ just yet. No, she was perfectly content just putting up a wall against all of her trauma and pretending that it never happened.

Of course, walls can only be held up for so long before something stronger crumbles it to ruins.

It was day and she was sleeping, as usual. Often Lenore would dream and for the most part her dreams were about her past life. Today, however, she dreamt of something else – of a furious and tumultuous sea tossing a boat from one gargantuan wave to the next. The boat shuddered and let out a death rattle as its mast collapsed onto the deck, rocking the boat further until finally the entire ship capsized. Hundreds of people – mostly men but also some women and children – fell into the unmerciful sea. Cruelly, Lenore bore witness to a young man of twenty-six years of age plunge into the cold sea – her nephew Gavin McLeod.

Her brother Fergus may not have gotten along well at all with Gavin but Lenore had always loved the boy – he was her flesh and blood. Suddenly she knew that what she was witnessing was no mere dream but a witness account to her nephew’s untimely demise. The revelation choked sobs out of her and like a sponge being squeezed she felt tears fall in a wave from her grief-stricken eyes.

“Lenore, Lenore. Wake up,” a soft, yet strong, voice commanded her.

Too much death. Too much death had been witnessed by her and dealt by her. And this would not be the last. No, Lenore was immortal. All of her children would die someday. And while Lenore had not seen them and was afraid to see them because of Elspeth’s misguided wrath, the realization that someday her flesh and blood would leave this earth grieved her greatly.

She awoke in Loki’s arms, almost in a seizure from her gasping sobs, and he gripped her tightly around her arms and torso in an attempt to still her. Her nightgown was soaked in cold sweat, her sheets were twisted about, and she had broken the headboard with the strength of her movements.

“L-Loki!” she managed to gasp out as her body ceased flailing and her seizure just dissolved into uncontrollable shivers.

“Shh,” he murmured as he settled into a sitting position and pulled her against him. Her cheek pressed against his chest and her arms automatically wrapped around his waist as she burrowed herself against him.

At one point Lenore could never imagine another man touching her again but right now, right here, she needed to feel safe again. And somewhere along the line Loki had become her safety net.

Her face was slick with salty tears and she hiccupped once or twice as she sought to take control of her body again. Her crying eventually stopped but the shivers were persistent – it felt like her body had plunged into the wintry sea along with her nephew. Throughout it all Loki rubbed her back reassuringly and Lenore took comfort in the warmth of his body and his heartbeat against her ear. Finally she stilled, yet neither of them made a movement to leave.

“What was it?” he asked softly.

Lenore tensed like a wild animal backed into a corner; mind racing to survey her options. “You once said I don’t have to talk about things if I don’t want to.”

He sighed and Lenore felt guilty for how she kept him out – especially after all that he had done for her. “You’re right, you don’t,” he acknowledged. “But you can if you want.”

Lenore was quiet for a long time – but then again, time had no meaning to either of them. Finally she spoke in a voice softer than a mouse’s steps. “If I talk about it, then it’s real.”

“Yeah it is kiddo. But I think that you and I both know that a lot of things are real, even if no one ever talks about them.”

She turned watery blue eyes up at him and smiled weakly. “Can’t I just be an ostrich and hide my head in the sand?”

He smiled warmly. “Sorry. Turns out that’s just a myth – I checked it out once on vacation.”

Lenore sighed heavily but finally sat up a little straighter, although she was still in Loki’s embrace. “I had a dream, but I already know that it wasn’t a dream. It was a vision of something that’s happened – recently.” Nervously she began toying with the hem of the white linen shirt that Loki was wearing. “I saw my nephew, Gavin, drown on his way to America.”

Loki frowned as he squeezed her shoulder. “I’m sorry Lenore – both for your loss and that you had to see it. I didn’t realize you received visions like that.”

She shrugged. “I haven’t before but I’ve always been sensitive to the otherworld, even before I became a,” she snorted and made finger quotations, “‘Prophetess of the Lord’.”

Was it just her imagination or did Loki twitch ever so slightly when she said that? Hmm. Lenore had just assumed that he knew she was a prophetess, but maybe not.

“But what’s more,” she continued, “is I think I finally realized what it’ll mean to watch my children age as I remain the same; what it’ll mean when they die and I’ll still be living for hundreds of years.”

His hand found hers and she inhaled deeply. “It’s not going to be easy, I wish it was. But you’re strong, Lenore. You’ve always had a strong spirit and I don’t expect that to change now.”

Lenore’s heart warmed slightly from his compliment but she still let out a harsh, disbelieving laugh. “Strong? I’m weak and always have been. I was too weak to leave Connor, too weak to fight off Aurelius, too weak to keep from drinking my brother’s own blood, and finally too weak to fight and explain to Elspeth that I’m not evil so I can see my children again – except I can’t do that because that would be a lie! My bloodlust makes me weak, makes me a servant shackled and bound to Aurelius and his ways, even if I no longer serve him directly!” Her words began softly but soon erupted into a scream of rage and undiluted frustration as she tore away her hand from his and threw her arms against the ceiling.

Her face was turned from Loki and she was panting like a caged rabid dog. The wall that held her memories and fears was crumbling and good Lord almighty she was trying to stack the bricks back up but nothing would stick!

There was just the sound of her heavy breathing for a long moment and then—“You’re not weak.”

Lenore’s head whirled to him in surprise. “Didn’t you just hear what I said?” she asked incredulously, not understanding why he was contradicting her.

“Didn’t you just hear what I said?” he repeated archly with a well-timed gesticulation of his right finger pointing to his chest. “Listen Lenore, trust me – I know weakness. I know cowardice. I understand what it’s like to leave the people you care about because you can’t face them anymore. But you?” He shook his head. “You’re not weak. You’ve faltered, sure, but weakness isn’t in failure – it’s in falling and failing to get back up again.”

She started to say something but he interrupted.

“I know I don’t know the whole story of your life but your former husband? He was a bastard but what were you supposed to do – kill him? Were you really capable of that?” he asked with wide eyed intensity.

“Well no, but I could have left, with the children,” she added as she shifted uncomfortably under his penetrating eyes.

“And done what?” he asked with his head cocked to the side. “You may have visions of a future where a woman with children doesn’t need a man, but that ain’t this century.”

“Well, yeah, maybe,” she conceded with a sigh.

“As for Aurelius…” Loki shrugged. “You really didn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of escaping.” He looked away. “When I heard through the grapevine that the Alpha had caught himself a Prophetess, I knew it was you. I tried looking for you but that old bastard keeps his lair pretty secretive. Even when I did find you I knew that you had to be the one to do the spell; I couldn’t really help.”

Drawing her knees up close to her chest, Lenore peered silently at the pagan god. She had no idea that he had actually spent time looking for her. Actually, she had never really known why his package had arrived, she just counted her blessings and kept on moving. “You looked for me?”

He looked surprised by her question, perhaps even surprised by his own admittance. His head ducked in a bashful manner, shrugged, and spoke gruffly. “Yes, of course.” Then he looked up. “But that’s not the point. The point is you still managed to kick ass and get away from the Alpha – the only vampire that I’ve ever heard of successfully doing that, by the way—”

“—Glad I didn’t know the success rate beforehand,” she muttered sardonically.

“--And I know you wish you could be farther in being able to control your bloodlust but you gotta remember- you’ve only been a vamp four years and two of those were spent feasting on humans. Basically, you’re barely a toddler in vamp years so you can’t help your lack of self-control. But you’ll get there.”

Lenore shrugged and stared at her toes. “Yeah, maybe,” she said softly.

He bumped his shoulder into hers playfully. “What’s that thing you said to me once, when we were out hunting? ‘Do or do not, there is no try’, young padawan.”

Lenore snickered. During their hunts she had told Loki some stories about her past as Tara – because that was a different life and definitely not as screwed up as her current one – and he was most amused in the random bits of knowledge that she had gained from Xander.

“You’re kind of a dork,” she informed him wryly, feeling lighter than she had in ages after their talk.

Loki waggled his brows. “I go by many titles, fair maiden. Trickster, ‘dork’, sex god…the list goes on and on. In fact, I’ve shown you two out of the three – perhaps a full showing is called for?”

Her response was a pillow in her face as she laughed at his sputtering reaction. Loki was kind of a charmer but she never took his come-ons seriously – after all, she was a vampire and he was a god. However, they always did manage to amuse her.

Although sometimes…just sometimes…she liked to pretend that he was being serious, that he wanted her. A part of her longed to feel wanted after years of neglect and abuse…and sometimes she thought that Loki could maybe fill the hole that Willow left in her heart.

But while Loki may have become her moon – her constant nighttime companion who could make her spirits soar like the rising of the tides with his kind words and amusing antics – he wasn’t her sun. Willow had been her sun so long ago and Lenore yearned to feel that warmth upon her again, to revolve around a pulsing, passionate love.

It was almost a constant struggle to remind herself each day that that she only had slightly less than three-hundred years to see Willow again.

Reine, Norway
March 21, 1707

Lenore was thumbing through a book on Norse mythology, written in Old Norse, and attempting to understand the archaic language that died out in the 1300s. After four years of companionship with Loki she still didn’t know much about the pagan god. Finally today she had found this text hidden behind two other, thicker, books in Aramaic and was struggling to figure out her friend. He had left a couple days ago – suddenly without explanation, as he was wont to do – so she was seizing the opportunity to research him.

He may have hoped that she had forgotten, but Lenore still remembered his visit to the cellar beneath the church and his impressively pure and radiant aura. During his visit to her home he had asked her not to mention it to anyone, but that fact remained lodged in her own memory. Further complicating her musings about him was the fact that Castiel had a similar aura and had specifically said pagan gods possessed auras of darkness. Of course, now that Loki knew her penchant for aura viewing he had kept his carefully hidden so had not been able to further inspect it.

Scanning the Germanic words on the page, Lenore was unable to make out much on the section about Loki but she did understand the pictures. It seemed that Loki had children! There was one sketch of a thin woman, a wolf, and a snake that bore the caption ‘Hel, Fenrir, and Jörmungandr’. There was also a picture of a beautiful woman and handsome man with the name ‘Loki and Sigyn’ underneath it. The pictures gave her pause – she knew that all the old gods had spouses and children but the thought that Loki did have a life outside of her made her feel weird, almost jealous but not quite. It more so confused her – after all, if this was his family then why didn’t he live with them?

Hmm. The gods were very strange indeed.

She wished she could read this language. Then maybe she could better understand her friend and why his aura was different from other pagan gods. Even though their friendship had grown greatly over the last four years he never discussed his personal life. His tricks, sure, but nothing about his family or childhood.

“Honey, I’m home!” called out a jubilant voice, deepened by the mead that Lenore could already smell wafting off the returning trickster. He appeared in the middle of the living room and took a seat across from her, crossed his legs, lounged back, and smiled. “Interesting reading material, my dear vampire,” he commented casually as he glanced at the book in her hands.

“I found it,” she shrugged. Lenore honestly didn’t know if Loki would care or not that she was trying to read about him – his mood swings, she had discovered, could be tricky things. Sometimes he was vibrant and carefree, other times solemn (especially when he was training her how to hunt and live as a ‘good’ vampire), sometimes angry, and occasionally a look of profound sadness would enter his eyes.

“Hmm.” He sat up straight and caught her eyes. “I didn’t realize you read Old Norse.”

“I, er, don’t. I was just looking at the pictures,” she admitted.

“Find anything interesting?” he inquired.

Lenore wet her lips nervously. “Yes, actually. Loki did you…do you…have a family?”

Pain flashed through his bright eyes, but it was gone before she could barely make note of it. He took the book from her hand and gazed at the page she had been on. “These pictures always make me look like such a tool,” he snorted. “I mean, is my nose that big?” he asked her.

“No,” she smiled. “But it also makes you look a lot taller than you are, too.”

Loki glared at her over the top of the book before he tossed it down next to him. “Honey child, I can appear in any form that I wish. If I wanted, I could have purple skin and bulbous pink eyes or be eight-foot tall and more muscle-bound that your average gladiator.”

“So why this one?” she challenged him with a hand gesture.

“Throws people off,” he shrugged with a smile. “Besides, I’ve been told that the ladies happen to enjoy the look of it. Your thoughts?” he asked with a sly smile.

Lenore rolled her eyes and tried to avoid blushing. Luckily she needed to go hunting today so it wasn’t like she had a ton of spare blood to travel to her cheeks anyways. “It’s alright.”

“Just alright?” he feigned hurt as he covered his heart with his hands and swayed against the back of the couch. “You wound me, Miss Lenore.”

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll be fine,” she smiled. “So…does Sigyn like this form of yours?” she asked in an attempt to get back onto her original topic of conversation.

He sighed heavily. “So what, you live with me for a couple of years and all of a sudden you want to know my sob story?” he asked with a drawn face.

Lenore shrugged. “It’s just, you never talk about yourself. And for the longest time I was too stuck in my own depression to really care, but now I’m interested.” Which was true. It wasn’t until after her vision of Gavin’s death that Lenore began to overcome her own issues – of course, she is still a work in progress.

“My life really isn’t that interesting, kiddo.”

“Well that can’t be true. Judging by the ‘mead breath’ I’d say it must be fairly interesting at times.”

Loki laughed. “Oh yeah, yesterday was a good time. Dionysus and Eostre threw a huge day-long party to celebrate the equinox and everybody was there.”

“Everybody?” Lenore asked curiously. She found the idea of a gathering of gods most intriguing. The fact that the God of Wine and Revelry and the Goddess of Spring were the hosts was not surprising.

He winked at her. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“Loki!” she protested. “Don’t tease me – give it up.”

“I haven’t been called a tease since the incident with Luna down in Rome a millennia ago,” he smirked. “So, you want to know more about the gods, eh kiddo? Have to say, I was surprised it took you so long to ask. You always were such a curious thing.”

“Well, I didn’t know if you would talk about it.”

“You never asked.”

“Oh, okay. Tell me, who was at the festival and what did they do?”

Loki cupped his chin and appeared in deep thought before he shook his head and stood up. “Naw, I’m not gonna tell you.”

“What!” she shouted indignantly. “But you just—”

“—Uh, uh, uh,” he wagged his finger. “I just said you never asked. I never said I would tell.”

Lenore glared at him. “I remember wondering how Anyanka could always get so annoyed with you – now I can easily emphasize with her.”

He smiled and playfully ruffled her hair. “See ya.”

Then he once again snapped himself out of existence and Lenore was left alone wondering even more why he never talked to her about his personal life. Was it because he didn’t think she was a friend and didn’t trust her? Or was it something else?

Reine, Norway
January 12, 1708

“I’m bored,” Loki groaned as he stamped into the den like a petulant child as she laid on the couch relaxing.

Not bothering to look up from her intriguing book on protection spells Lenore replied, “Well go do some of your tricks on some poor, unsuspecting fool.” On one hand Lenore did think his tricks – occasionally over the years he had talked about them – were cruel, she also usually approved of them since it was one of Loki’s tricks that got rid of her wicked husband.

His sudden weight on her stomach made her go “Ooof!” and she gave him a deadly glare as he snapped the book out of her hands and set it back into the bookcase. “I hope you marked my page.”

He rolled his eyes but didn’t bother getting up. “Come on. The weather here is awful and I’m tired of the snow already. Let’s teleport to Australia and go surfing! You can even try some new game – I heard kangaroo blood sure has a ‘kick’ to it,” he snickered.

Lenore giggled and attempted to push him off of her. “No, Loki. You know I don’t like leaving the area. So, I don’t know, get off and find someone else to be your playmate.”

Amber eyes glowed with mischief as he leaned in close to her face with an amused smile. “But what if I want you to be my playmate?” he said in a throaty voice that sent a tremor of excitement through her.

Shaking herself away from the very bad thoughts that she was imagining and knew that Loki had not really intended, she suddenly sat up and Loki fell onto the couch. “Well that’s all fine and good, except I’m not leaving the area,” she said lightly, silently cursing him for teasing her. Loki was a natural flirt but as of late it was really starting to affect her – and she didn’t like it. Lenore knew, after all, that Loki just saw her as a sister-type – he had to, she assumed.

Loki pouted and gave her puppy dog eyes that flickered with sadness. “Come on, Lenore. You can’t ignore the world forever.”

Letting out a haughty sigh, she folded her legs underneath her body and leaned back into the couch. “And if there are humans around? Loki, you know I can’t control myself.”

Tilting his head to the sigh, he gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. “You’ll never be able to if you don’t start practicing. Think about it – if you practice your tolerance maybe you’ll finally be able to return home and see your family. Besides,” he added as he saw hope flicker across her features, “I’ll be there. I won’t let you hurt anyone.”

The sudden hope that maybe he had a point, that maybe she could see her family again, made her agree quickly.

And surprisingly, it wasn’t as hard to control herself as she had expected. Of course, that may have been thanks to Loki’s support.

Reine, Norway
December 12, 1710

“Thordis, go!” Lenore shouted as she leapt ten feet in the air to swing up onto a branch and then began bounding from tree to tree.

The alpha female howled in agreement as she leapt up to grab her prize from the mound of packed snow and then began racing behind Lenore, who was careful not to outrun her friend. Her keen ears heard paws hitting the earth in ferocity so Lenore flew down, landing easily on her feet, and grabbed the attacking black-furred wolf around the middle before it could leap onto Thordis. Then Lenore let out a short howl and quickly Vigdis, Sigurdis, and Alva were flanking them as they raced to their destination.

A sounding howl from the other wolves reached her ears and she heard Thordis growl loudly. They were a mile from their target when Vigdis was taken down without warning by Dagur and Lenore had to fall onto her back just to narrowly miss Tyr’s leap towards her. Alva attempted to capture the alpha male but the more experienced wolf easily evaded his attempts and instead locked his jaws around Alva’s neck.

But Lenore didn’t bother to watch. It was over for Alva. She had to stay on the mission.

Now it was Thordis, Sigurdis, and Lenore racing between tress and over heavy foliage. She could hear Tyr and Dagur swiftly following them and Lenore couldn’t help but wonder where their third opponent lay in wait. Most likely at the destination, the bastard. She grimaced – he wasn’t making this easy.

The snapping of teeth instinctively had Lenore somersault forward, easily missing Dugur’s bite. Sigurdis was on him instantly as he faltered.

Thordis didn’t even hesitate before he clamped his teeth over Sigurdis’ leg.

Lenore cursed and made eye contact with Thordis. The wolf was agile and swift and Lenore would need both hands to fight once their final opponent came out of his hiding place, but it was also true that Lenore would have an easier time of outrunning Tyr.

Decisions, decisions.

They were near their final destination now, a mound of snow past the shadows of the tress. The ground suddenly collapsed underneath them and both the wolf and vampire fell four feet. Lenore cursed out loud as Tyr leapt onto Thordis’ back and she swiftly snatched the prized object out of her friend’s mouth and leapt straight up.

She was only twenty feet away from her prize when a gust of wind smashed into her and pushed her backwards onto the ground.

“It’s just you and me now,” he uttered in a deadly voice as he gauged her sudden fighting pose.

“Is this the winner take all fight?” she asked as her lips quirked up.

“Don’t hold back,” he warned with a wicked smile.

Lenore placed her stolen possession into the top of her boots and gave her opponent an amused smile. “Oh, I won’t if you won’t.”

The two supernatural beings flew at each other and the world became a blur of arms and legs as she struggled to hit him. Lenore’s fist flew forward but he leaned back on his knees and kicked up, although luckily she already leapt over him and was closer to her goal. Instinct drove her to duck as he suddenly appeared in front of her and did some martial art move that she just barely evaded. Now laying on the ground, Lenore propped herself up with her hands and swung her legs in a circle but she just barely avoided sweeping him under. His foot went to stomp on her and she was forced to roll backwards, and thus farther away from her goal.

She stood quickly. “You’re holding back,” she smiled.

“So are you,” he grinned.

Their dance begun anew, with him trying to make contact with her and force her away from the mound of snow, and Lenore trying to touch him and/or leap over there. Finally she was getting fed up and tired so she pulled a trick from under her sleeve.

A wolf growled behind her opponent and he whirled in surprise, which allowed her to leap onto the mound of snow and plant her flag successfully.

The image of the wolf disappeared as Lenore threw her hands up and let out a howl of victory. Soon the entire wolf pack rejoined, with her side led by Thordis barking happily while Tyr’s side gave wolfy smiles at the fun they had but clearly wishing they had won.

Loki, for his part, glared at her. “Hey! We never said anything about magic!”

Lenore leapt down and gave him a satisfied smile as she waved the flag in his face. “One, you never said we couldn’t and two, you told me not to hold back.”

He glared a moment longer before throwing his head back and laughing. He swung his arm over her shoulder and smiled. “Finally, you’re starting to understand how to fight!”

Lenore laughed with him. As part of the plan to reintegrate her back into society so she could see her children again, Loki was teaching her both fighting and magic skills – after all, she may need them if she ever met up with the Alpha or any of his cronies again.

Of course, Loki would be the one to decide that an excellent test of her skills would be in a game of Capture the Flag. Lenore went to her wolfy companions and sank to her knees as they nuzzled their faces against her body and she petted them gratefully. Seven years of helping this specific pack closest to her and Loki’s home with their hunting had made her an accepted member of the pack. Loki, of course, already had some special relationship with this pack and was the one to teach her how to communicate with them. When Loki had suggested that the wolves play this particular game with them she had been skeptical but, judging by their reaction and Loki’s face as he listened to Tyr, she had a feeling the wolves would want to play again very soon.

They both were pretty sore losers, after all.

Reine, Norway
February 14, 1714

The moon was a waning crescent high in the sky, thus allowing Lenore to take in the brilliance of the starry night. She was sitting at the top of their mountain peak – the nice thing about being almost un-killable was that you didn’t worry about little things like heights – and observing the night in silence. A meteor streaked through the night unexpectedly and Lenore cheered like a little girl as more began streaking through the sky.

“Have you made a wish?” a voice spoke near her ear and Lenore involuntarily swatted the pagan god.

“Haven’t you ever heard that it’s impolite to sneak up on people?” she grimaced.

Loki chuckled and laid back onto the polar bear fur blanket that she had brought up here. “Let’s see, if I don’t count the nine-hundred thousand and eighty-four requests from you then let’s see…only twice, I think.”

Lenore rolled her eyes but kept watching the meteor shower that her astrology had predicted. “I thought you were out for the day, what with Valentine’s Day being a big day for you trickster types.”

“Oh yeah, I had some fun today,” he grinned – and she didn’t think she wanted to know what was so fun. “But humans get boring at night when they’re sleeping so I thought I’d come back home.”

She looked away from the sky to smile at him. “Well, welcome home. And to answer your question, yes.”

“What did you make a wish about?” he inquired as he turned to look at her; Lenore could always feel the heat of his gaze when he turned it on her.

Biting her lip, she reluctantly answered him. “That the year 2003 would come as quickly as possible.”

“Ah,” he sighed. “Your Willow.” Loki knew all about her at this point in their friendship. At first she had asked if his culture was against her being in love with a woman or if he thought it was unnatural and he had only given her a sly grin and said that it was ‘hot’. Then he had given her a more serious answer: that all the gods that he knew just cared if a couple loved another, gender wasn’t in the equation in order to have their grace.

“Have you ever loved someone, Loki?” she queried curiously. “I know you explained once that you and Sigyn were more arranged than anything else and never see each other anymore. Have you ever met anyone else?”

Loki was quiet for a long time and Lenore began to feel guilty for asking – he was still notorious about his privacy.

“I fall in love pretty easily,” he admitted.

“Anyanka?” she guessed.

“Nah,” he answered. “A ‘fun’ kind of girl, if you get my drift—”

Lenore snorted in amusement.

“—But not really the one for me.”

“Then who?”

He was silent for another moment. “I had quite the affair with a goddess from the Hinduism pantheon but it’s been about fifty years since we’ve talked to each other.”

Wow. Loki was actually opening up to her! “How long did you date?” she asked as she laid on her side and watched him with interest. He was right next to her, his breath could be felt on her face, and she watched every flicker of emotion that crossed his face – Lenore couldn’t help it, she was cursed with curiosity.

“Date?” he smirked. “I don’t know if you could call an on-again, off-again affair of a thousand years dating.”

Her jaw dropped in surprise. “Jeez, you’re kidding me!” she gasped.

He laughed and leaned over on his side to look her in the eyes. “That’s what it’s like to be immortal, kiddo. Everything about your concept of time and life changes in its expectations.”

“Wow,” she mused. “That’s crazy,” she repeated. “So what happened to you two?”

Chuckling, his brow lifted in amusement. “Do I look like I’m a giggling schoolgirl between the ages of fourteen and sixteen?” he inquired.

She bumped her leg casually against his. “Come on, it could be like a sleepover!” she laughed.

“A…what?” he asked with a puzzled expression.

“In my past life we had those. It can be for anyone but usually it’s a group of female teenage friends who spend the night at one girl’s house and stay up all night gossiping and eating junk food.”

“So…not sleeping? Then why is it called a sleepover?”

Lenore started laughing at his befuddled expression that was lit with the cool silver reflections of the moon with an occasional burst of warm reflection from a shooting star. It always made her happy when she understood something that the ancient god didn’t.

“Are you laughing at me?” he pouted. “Do I ever laugh at you when you don’t understand something?”

“Uh, yes,” she snorted. “How about all the time?” Then she started laughing at him some more, just for good effort.

“Why you—” he mock snarled before he laid his leg over both her legs in order to effectively capture her and then began tickling her sides.

Damn. She may be a super strong vampire but tickling was still her weakness. She began laughing uncontrollably as she struggled underneath Loki but his pagan strength far outweighed hers.

“Stop! Stop!” she struggled to say in-between giggles and she was grateful when he paused. Now, after her struggles and attempt at wrestling away from him, he was completely on top of her. Loki’s legs straddled her legs and his upper body pressed against hers. They were both panting from exertion, their faces only a few inches away from one another.

“Do you give up?” he smirked.

His smile disarmed her for a moment and suddenly all that she was aware of was his nearness.

“Yes.” Her eyes bore into his and she wet her lips nervously. “Please let me go, I give up,” she added when he didn’t move and a serious look entered his eyes – a look that scared her because it threatened to disrupt her entire world.

“And if I don’t want to?” he murmured as he face dropped down just a couple inches and his lips hovered above hers.

Her heartbeat began accelerating and she stopped thinking – she couldn’t think!

Thank God, she was saved from her world imploding by a loud whistling noise and a meteor crashing into their mountain, causing the ground beneath them to shake and Loki to fall off of her.

The rest of the night they spent apart, for which she was grateful. She had no idea what had happened or almost happened but just chalked it up to Loki being his weird flirty self and her being alone on Valentine’s Day when she missed Willow so much.

Reine, Norway
May 7, 1714

Lenore woke up around five in the evening and, after getting ready for her day, strolled out into the den. The fireplace was already lit – no matter how warm it may be outside it was always chilly in here and they both liked the heat – and the room was empty, but Lenore heard Loki moving around somewhere. Shrugging, she went to her favorite couch, sprawled out, and began reading a spell book written in Sumatran – yes with a lack of a personal life and a lot of free time on her hands over the last eleven years Lenore had begun picking up some new languages.

Old Norse was still a pain, however.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” Loki shouted as he popped into the room, and suddenly ten men with musical instruments began playing the ‘Happy Birthday’ song as Loki sang in his unique off-tune way.

In this case, ‘unique’ was a nice way of saying he sucked at singing.

When Loki and the musicians that he had created out of thin area finished, Lenore clapped her hands and smiled at her friend. “Thanks, Loki. But are vampires even supposed to celebrate birthdays?”

Loki snapped his fingers to make the musicians vanish and plopped in the seat across from her. “You say that every year and every year I tell you I don’t care,” he rolled his eyes. “Anyways, happy forty-second birthday!”

She shook her head in dismay at his refusal to go without celebrating even the most minor of days – Loki loved an excuse to party – but she was smiling regardless. “Thanks. Let me guess – you’re going to make me celebrate?”

Don’t get her wrong – Lenore used to love celebrating her birthday…when she was alive. Now it just seemed so silly.

“Yes,” he grinned as he rubbed his hands furiously together. “I’m taking you on a trip to India to go tiger hunting. Then I’m going to make you a tiger-skin rug and bring back the meaty goodies for the kids.” The ‘kids’ he referred to were his pet name for their wolf pack. “Then I was thinking an epic game of Capture the Flag – Tyr and Thordis already agreed. They’ve got some yearlings that they want to test their strength, so it’s a good deal for them.

She smiled in spite of herself. “Alright, that sounds like fun. I’ll go change.”

“Excellent! Wear a fur bikini or something.”

Lenore gave him a well-school look of annoyance. “Why on earth would I do that, Loki?”

He shrugged and gave her a sheepish look. “It’s, er, what they wear in India. Or so I’ve heard.”

Her response was to telekinetically send a throw pillow flying at his head before going to her room, smirking at his muffled cry of “Hey!”

A moment later as she was in her room changing, Lenore heard a knock on the outer door. That was odd. Only dressed in her underwear, Lenore leaned close to the door to listen to the new arrival. No one ever visited Loki – who could it be?

“What are you doing here?” he asked suspiciously as the cavern door scraped open.

A velvety woman’s voice answered him. “I was called long ago. I thought it was time to visit.”

“No. Not now.”

“Why?” the woman asked in amusement. “Don’t you want to share your pet?”

Silence. Then, “She’s not mine to share.”


Confused, Lenore hurriedly got dress and had to make an effort to calmly walk down the hallway and into the den. She looked towards the door and the sight before her stole her breath away.

There, standing ever-so casually was a woman of Indian descent with dark brown skin and thick black hair that curled around her shoulders. Full lips were curved in a secretive smile and her eyes were lined with kohl and featured black irises, interestingly enough. She was garbed in a traditional Indian dress, a sari, that was trimmed in gold thread and such a deep blue that it was almost black. As Lenore stared at her clothing longer she could almost feel herself falling into something, into another world, where it is dawn or perhaps it is twilight, but regardless of the time of the world there exists only the woman before her.

Her name exits her mouth so softly and so suddenly that Lenore almost doesn’t realize that she is the one speaking.



A very long chapter – my apologies. I just couldn’t separate into two different chapters so I hope y’all don’t mind at the length.

Please let me know what you think! :D

* Research done on wolves was primarily from here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gray_wolf
* Eostre: Anglo-Saxon Goddess of Dawn and Spring – http://www.goddessaday.com/western-european/eostre  
* Luna: Roman Goddess of the Moon -- http://www.goddessaday.com/roman/luna  (*sighs* Okay yess, I also used this goddess because it’s my user name and Loki is oh-so pretty ;)
* Nordic names found here: http://babynamesworld.parentsconnect.com/category-nordic-names-5.html
* Kali: Hindu Goddess of Eternal Energy, also: Goddess of Destruction – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kali


( Those Who Hollered — Holler! )
Dec. 13th, 2010 06:17 am (UTC)
a fan
you have two chapter 11, don't you mean it's chapter 12?

is it just me or is there really hints of lokilenore here? so loki is not serious with anyanka just for fun? but he's serious with kali? i sort of think that loki is kinda playboy. though i do very curious about sigyn and her loyalty to loki in the myth. i would have thought loki would appreciate her better.
i once ask a genderbender fic about sam's always a girl and have a possible love interest in loki/gabriel then gabriel found out that she is the reincarnation of sigyn and he's troubled because sam's supposed to say yes to lucifer. :p
i thought freya is the goddess of love in norse myth? so baldur is also god of love here? oh btw what about drusilla? she can see the future too. in this verse of yours, is she also a prophet of lord that the angel failed to protect since he's turned by angelus into a vampire?
anyway nice chapter as usual. update soon please. bless you.
Dec. 13th, 2010 03:28 pm (UTC)
Re: a fan
Oops, yes that was a typo. Chapter 12 is fixed now :)

I personally don't think that Loki could be in love with Anyanka because her purpose to exist is soley to cause harm. Because he is who he is I think that he could only fall in love with someone who also works for the causes of good. Kali is called the Destroyer but in Hinduism she's actually a very good goddess, hence why I think he is able to love her.

That idea, the reincarnation of Sigyn is very interesting and I like it! I'm not a gender-bender person though- I'm pretty strict with the base details of canon and can't imagine a girl!Sam.

And Loki appreciates Sigyn but I think he stays away from her just because she knows Loki so well, he doesn't want his cover to get blown.

Every mythology typically has both a god and goddess of love. In Norse mythology Baldur is the god of love (not just my fic).

THAT IDEA ABOUT DRUSILLA IS SUCH A GOOD IDEA! I have thought that Dru was a special being (based off my 'Willow's Thief' series and 'Crescent & Spike's Most Awesome Adventure') but I like that Prophetess of the Lord stuff! eato idea :)

If it ever comes up I may use that idea...Thanks!!!
( Those Who Hollered — Holler! )

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